a guy named stupid

This is about a guy we'll just call stupid. I tell this story all the time and I've actually had people tell me I should do a stand-up routine based on this story. Here we go.....

"This guy named stupid is so hillbilly.........

His mother doesn't know who his father is.

In fact, she doesn't know who his brother's father is, either.

Neither he nor his brother got any farther than junior year of high school.

His whole immediate AND extended family lives in trailors.

These trailors don't have air conditioning.

His mother's trailor is FULL of Dale Earnhardt (I don't care if I spelled that right) crap. I'm talking mugs, posters, die-cast cars, trading cards, twinkie boxes, etc.

Once, when stupid and I were visiting his parents, his cousin and her infant were there, too. His mother and her FIFTH (yes, I said FIFTH) husband proceeded to light up a bowl of an unmentionable illegal herb WHILE THE BABY WAS NAPPING IN THE SAME DAMN ROOM!

Did I mention that stupid's mother is on husband #5?

He and his brother have been in and out of jail since they were 16. They're now 30 and 28, respectively.

His brother got sent to his last stint in jail for robbing the grocery store their mom worked at at gunpoint for money for his meth habit.

Stupid's 17 year old cousin makes meth in the trailor that she shares with her "boyfriend" and their child.

His idea of fun is going carp fishing in retention ponds in apartment complexes while drinking beer, namely Budweiser.

Stupid has never had a job more serious than shift supervisor at KFC. And let's not forget that he's now 30.

Not a single person in the family has a career or anything even resembling a career. Hell, hardly any of them have anything resembling a JOB.

Stupid doesn't have a valid driver's license.

Neither does his brother.

His mom MIGHT.

Does that stop anyone from driving?

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

His mom's trailor isn't in a trailor park; it's in a cluster of about 10 trailors that are just randomly thrown on the side of a road in southern (insert name of state we both happen to live in).

His mom doesn't have a phone, so she gives out the number of the woman living in the crappy trailor next to HER crappy trailor and that neighbor just yells out the kitchen window to let her know she has a phone call.

Last time I was at his mom's crappy trailor, all she had in the fridge was Budweiser, bologna, and a loaf of bread.

No one in the family has ever left the state--for anything.

EVERYONE in the family chain smokes like it's going out of style. While they're drinking their nasty beer. While they're fishing.

So now that you've got a picture of this family in your head, I have one more tidbit of hilljack-ness for you (in case you were doubting their dedication to being hilljacks):

His mom is only about 46 or 47. She is not old by any means. There is no reason for this. She has no intention of fixing this. She makes to attempt to hide this. Are you ready?

His mom has no front teeth.