When I was 17, I was a junior in high school and I had just gotten my driver's license. I could only drive automatic transmission cars and my mom had a stick. I was stupid and so were my friends. We drank a little when we could get a hold of it, but we usually just stuck to a plant of an illegal variety.
They (my family) all decided to go on vacation in July and I couldn't go because of work.
Great idea, folks. Leave a 17 year old home alone for 2 weeks.
They took my car because it was the biggest and most reliable. That left me with 2 means of transportation--a stick shift car and a GIANT work truck painted the same color as a school bus.
THIS COLOR.
I decided to take a crash course in stick-shift driving. Then the car broke. Like 2 days after I learned to drive it.
So I was forced to drive this god-awful, huge, bright, beat-up truck around town. My friends thought it was great. "Let's take a ride in the big yellow truck" and the sort. I fucking HATED driving this damn thing. There is nothing worse than having MORE attention drawn to you when you're an awkward, socially inept high schooler. Blech.
Of course my house was the hangout place those 2 weeks since my parents were out of town. We had gotten a hold of some of the afforementioned illegal plant and made a smoking device out of an empty beer can (just ask--I could teach a class on it). Then we got the great idea to actually leave the house.
I tell ya, the brillance could have put a diamond to shame.
"Let's take the big yellow truck!!!!!"
This sounds great when you're high, of course.
So we take it. I am laughing and looking in the mirrors making sure I am not backing over any of my friends, down the long skinny driveway, and I manage to get the truck OVER the garden barriers, THROUGH the garden, and INTO the air conditioning unit that sits on the side of the house.
You know what I'm talking about--that big-ass metal box that keeps your house comfy in the summer.
I HIT IT WITH A TRUCK.
I guess it's a good thing we were high, cause if we weren't, I'm positive oneof us would have had an actual heart attack right there in the driveway.
Picture 3 teenaged girls outside in the middle of July, high as hell, trying to set an air conditioning unit upright onto cinderblock mounts in a garden on the side of a house.
Those damn things are HEAVY! We got it back into place, but all of those little metal sheets that make up the outside were dented and bent and smashed--it LOOKED like it got hit with a truck.
Fast forward to 3 hours later, I get home, and the house was HOT AS HELL. I'm talking, like, 90 degrees INSIDE. That is just not going to work for a city-girl. Yeah, I'm a city-girl. Sue me.
I did the only thing I knew to do. I called mom and dad on vacation. The conversation went as follows:
Me: "So the air conditioner broke today. It's really hot in here. What should I do?"
M&D: "Well go down in the basement and unplug XYZ and restart ABC and it should work"
AND IT FUCKING WORKS! HAHAHAHAHA!
They gave me instructions based on what they do when the air just flips out sometimes. I managed to get it running again.
From that day forth, my and AC have had a special bond. No one has ever said ANYTHING about the condition of the outdoor unit. The truck is long gone. And I do not drive trucks when I'm high.
Lesson learned.
Saturday, July 21, 2007
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Seriously, don't lies take more effort?
May I preface this post with a disclaimer?
Too bad, I'm going to.
I don't want to have a serious relationship any time soon. EVER, I would be so bold to say.
I am not any other grown up's moral compass. It's been suggested that I barely have one of my own when it comes to men.
It is not my job to tell you that what you are about to do with me is JUST WRONG. The guys that I sleep with know that I am choosing to just sleep with them. Nothing more.
I am not asking them to marry me, date me, or even call me.
Hell, half of the time I don't remember their names by the time we get back to my house!
That being said....
Now I'm a pretty smart cookie, if I do say so myself. I'm pretty good at picking up on who's got a "girlfriend" or a "friend" or a wife, or whatever.
**I put "girlfriend" and "friend" in quotes because the definitions of those words are subjective. What some guys would call a "friend" could easily be classified as a "girlfriend" by many others.**
Anyway, I can usually tell about 5 minutes into conversation if someone's emotionally unavailable. Please keep in mind that I am particularly in the market for emotionally unavailable. It works for me.
So WHY THE LIVING FUCK do guys really think they need to keep trying (that's right boys, I said trying. You are not doing such a hot job here) to cover up their "status"??
I DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP STATUS.
Here are some of the things I've heard/expereinced:
Kent insists on telling me he "hangs out with different people" but doesn't have a girlfriend. Yet the only time he calls me is once every couple of months--we fuck, talk about superficial crap, I leave (which is perfect for me, if anyone's taking notes). He barely even acknowledges me when we're in a sober, public, no "girlfriend" situation. Perfect. He knows this is all I want, so why the secrecy about who he's dating? I think it's actually polite of me to ask about how his girlfriend is doing.
Daniel likes to call his "girlfriend" (who goes on vacations to Vegas with him and whom he's admitted he's dated long enough to warrant a marrige proposal) a "friend" that he talks to on the weekends when she's in town from her job.
He actually got in trouble because of an innocent text I sent him on a weekend, which is apparently "off-limits" time, which I would have known about if he had been upfront with me. As of late though, he's been more honest about it.
I have had 2, count 'em, 2 men act like there's not a care in the world--except for the fact that they were scheduled to get married within, oh, 3 weeks of our first "encounter"!!!!
One even went so far as to tell me that he didn't HAVE a girlfriend (but I knew he did) and I found out from our mutual friend last week that he was getting married on Saturday!! He had JUST been at my house 2 days prior to that trying to get laid!!!!!
--That one kills me most. Seriously, if I am sleeping with you with full knowledge of your girlfriend, do you REALLY think that the fact that you're getting married is going to change anything??
Honey, please. I PITY your soon-to-be-wife. You obviously don't respect her. You'll continue sleeping with me after you marry her. Really.
Also, alot of guys feel the need to give me the old, "I'm not happy and I haven't been for a long time" line.
Well, DUH. Cheating on your wife usually doesn't indicate happiness, ya think? Not my job to fix that one, dear.
Of course, I suppose that's to be expected. These guys lie to their "girlfriends" and wives, so why wouldn't they lie to me?
It IS incredibly amusing, though.
Too bad, I'm going to.
I don't want to have a serious relationship any time soon. EVER, I would be so bold to say.
I am not any other grown up's moral compass. It's been suggested that I barely have one of my own when it comes to men.
It is not my job to tell you that what you are about to do with me is JUST WRONG. The guys that I sleep with know that I am choosing to just sleep with them. Nothing more.
I am not asking them to marry me, date me, or even call me.
Hell, half of the time I don't remember their names by the time we get back to my house!
That being said....
Now I'm a pretty smart cookie, if I do say so myself. I'm pretty good at picking up on who's got a "girlfriend" or a "friend" or a wife, or whatever.
**I put "girlfriend" and "friend" in quotes because the definitions of those words are subjective. What some guys would call a "friend" could easily be classified as a "girlfriend" by many others.**
Anyway, I can usually tell about 5 minutes into conversation if someone's emotionally unavailable. Please keep in mind that I am particularly in the market for emotionally unavailable. It works for me.
So WHY THE LIVING FUCK do guys really think they need to keep trying (that's right boys, I said trying. You are not doing such a hot job here) to cover up their "status"??
I DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP STATUS.
Here are some of the things I've heard/expereinced:
Kent insists on telling me he "hangs out with different people" but doesn't have a girlfriend. Yet the only time he calls me is once every couple of months--we fuck, talk about superficial crap, I leave (which is perfect for me, if anyone's taking notes). He barely even acknowledges me when we're in a sober, public, no "girlfriend" situation. Perfect. He knows this is all I want, so why the secrecy about who he's dating? I think it's actually polite of me to ask about how his girlfriend is doing.
Daniel likes to call his "girlfriend" (who goes on vacations to Vegas with him and whom he's admitted he's dated long enough to warrant a marrige proposal) a "friend" that he talks to on the weekends when she's in town from her job.
He actually got in trouble because of an innocent text I sent him on a weekend, which is apparently "off-limits" time, which I would have known about if he had been upfront with me. As of late though, he's been more honest about it.
I have had 2, count 'em, 2 men act like there's not a care in the world--except for the fact that they were scheduled to get married within, oh, 3 weeks of our first "encounter"!!!!
One even went so far as to tell me that he didn't HAVE a girlfriend (but I knew he did) and I found out from our mutual friend last week that he was getting married on Saturday!! He had JUST been at my house 2 days prior to that trying to get laid!!!!!
--That one kills me most. Seriously, if I am sleeping with you with full knowledge of your girlfriend, do you REALLY think that the fact that you're getting married is going to change anything??
Honey, please. I PITY your soon-to-be-wife. You obviously don't respect her. You'll continue sleeping with me after you marry her. Really.
Also, alot of guys feel the need to give me the old, "I'm not happy and I haven't been for a long time" line.
Well, DUH. Cheating on your wife usually doesn't indicate happiness, ya think? Not my job to fix that one, dear.
Of course, I suppose that's to be expected. These guys lie to their "girlfriends" and wives, so why wouldn't they lie to me?
It IS incredibly amusing, though.
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
V-I-C-T-O-R-Y!
I had what I will consider a victory over the "hot new guy" last night. We happened to run into eachother after my meeting was over and I looked really hot (as did he) and he asked what I was up to for the evening.
Me: "Um, going home and probably doing absolutely nothing."
Him: "Really? You look like you're ready to go out! You wanna go grab a beer?"
Well of COURSE I did!
Silly boy.
I'm not one to waste a good hair/makeup/outfit day on just going home by myself when I could just as easily go have a few drinks and seduce a hot guy!
Truth be told, I was going to go to the bar anyway with my computer and seduce some guy already at the bar, but this one just kinda fell into my lap; why make my job any harder, right??
He really is an interesting guy. He's actually MY AGE!!! A miracle! We graduated from high school the same year! He's an old soul like me, and he likes things that people our age typically don't obsess over (that's how I am, too!).
So why do I consider this a victory?
Well, because he said he's go and have 1 beer. He had already had like 3 or 4 prior to meeting me, so he had a head start. He had 2 GIANT beers.
He told me he could only stay for a little bit cause he had school work--we were at the bar until at least 1am (and we got there at 9pm).
I don't think I paid for all of my drinks.
He came home with me and I got to do naughty things to him.
I win!
Boys are so easy. :-)
Me: "Um, going home and probably doing absolutely nothing."
Him: "Really? You look like you're ready to go out! You wanna go grab a beer?"
Well of COURSE I did!
Silly boy.
I'm not one to waste a good hair/makeup/outfit day on just going home by myself when I could just as easily go have a few drinks and seduce a hot guy!
Truth be told, I was going to go to the bar anyway with my computer and seduce some guy already at the bar, but this one just kinda fell into my lap; why make my job any harder, right??
He really is an interesting guy. He's actually MY AGE!!! A miracle! We graduated from high school the same year! He's an old soul like me, and he likes things that people our age typically don't obsess over (that's how I am, too!).
So why do I consider this a victory?
Well, because he said he's go and have 1 beer. He had already had like 3 or 4 prior to meeting me, so he had a head start. He had 2 GIANT beers.
He told me he could only stay for a little bit cause he had school work--we were at the bar until at least 1am (and we got there at 9pm).
I don't think I paid for all of my drinks.
He came home with me and I got to do naughty things to him.
I win!
Boys are so easy. :-)
Sunday, July 15, 2007
The Story of the 4 Bobs*
* All names in all stories have been changed to protect the people who accompany me in my Adventures in Man Land. I would NEVER date 4 men named BOB!
I have 4 Bobs.
Bob #1---He is one of my best friends. I know I can count on him to be completely honest with me about ANYTHING and I ask his opinion frequently. I have known him for 2 years, lusted after him for the same amount of time, and only had sex with him twice. It actually took us almost a year of knowing eachother to actually come out and admit that we're attracted to eachother. Like, I called him and said,
"Would you be offended if I kissed you?"
And we ended up kissing that night. For a really long time. It was wonderful.
I digress.
I love Bob #1 with all my heart, as a friend. We're a pretty good pair, actually, most of the time. I'm sure if I had to live with him I'd want to kill him. After I got done having sex with him. ;-)
He is also married and 12 years my senior.
Bob #2---Was a great guy I was "dating" for a while.
I'm not sure if it can be classified as dating. He took me out to a really nice restaraunt ONCE, was very gentlemanly, and then expected me to come over to his house every single time I got off work and watch TV with him and eventually end up having sex with him (and I worked 8+ hour days then, got home at midnight and had to be up and functioning at 7am the next morning EVERY SINGLE DAY OF MY LIFE).
Needless to say, having sex without having AT LEAST 2 glasses of wine was out of the question. It makes for a long night. I love sleep.
I deemed him "needy" and stopped answering his phone calls.
He really was a nice guy, though. I regret losing that one some days. If nothing else, he wasn't a bullshitter. He was 7 years my senior.
Bob #3---Loves my dad. He actually shared a part-time job with my dad, didn't realize it was MY dad until they both walked into MY place of employment AT THE SAME TIME to see me (creating the most awkward situation possible for me, really). Then he calls me later and proceeds to gush about what a great guy my dad is.
Turns out he really likes my dad. I'm not really the biggest fan of the guy, so we'll have to see.
I haven't slept with him yet, though. I'd be interested to see how that turns out. He claims that none of the stuff I mentioned would "freak him out" but we're both busy people and we live pretty far away from each other so it just hasn't happened. He is 9 years my senior.
Bob #4---is new. He's a regular at my place of employment and he's just REALLY NICE. His kids are beautiful, he's doing what's right by them (which is a huge turn on for me, dads doing right by their kids, even if it makes their {the dads} life more difficult), he works hard, he's smart, and he's just, well, normal....so far. He is divorced and probably at least 10 years my senior. We haven't determined his age yet.
So there you have it. There really isn't anything interesting to report on Bobs #2 and #3. I don't even speak to Bob2 anymore, and I completely blew off Bob3 to seduce "hot new guy" (which you can read all about in my post V-I-C-T-O-R-Y!) so we'll have to see where we stand when I talk to him next. My guess is that he'll get the hell over it.
I have 4 Bobs.
Bob #1---He is one of my best friends. I know I can count on him to be completely honest with me about ANYTHING and I ask his opinion frequently. I have known him for 2 years, lusted after him for the same amount of time, and only had sex with him twice. It actually took us almost a year of knowing eachother to actually come out and admit that we're attracted to eachother. Like, I called him and said,
"Would you be offended if I kissed you?"
And we ended up kissing that night. For a really long time. It was wonderful.
I digress.
I love Bob #1 with all my heart, as a friend. We're a pretty good pair, actually, most of the time. I'm sure if I had to live with him I'd want to kill him. After I got done having sex with him. ;-)
He is also married and 12 years my senior.
Bob #2---Was a great guy I was "dating" for a while.
I'm not sure if it can be classified as dating. He took me out to a really nice restaraunt ONCE, was very gentlemanly, and then expected me to come over to his house every single time I got off work and watch TV with him and eventually end up having sex with him (and I worked 8+ hour days then, got home at midnight and had to be up and functioning at 7am the next morning EVERY SINGLE DAY OF MY LIFE).
Needless to say, having sex without having AT LEAST 2 glasses of wine was out of the question. It makes for a long night. I love sleep.
I deemed him "needy" and stopped answering his phone calls.
He really was a nice guy, though. I regret losing that one some days. If nothing else, he wasn't a bullshitter. He was 7 years my senior.
Bob #3---Loves my dad. He actually shared a part-time job with my dad, didn't realize it was MY dad until they both walked into MY place of employment AT THE SAME TIME to see me (creating the most awkward situation possible for me, really). Then he calls me later and proceeds to gush about what a great guy my dad is.
Turns out he really likes my dad. I'm not really the biggest fan of the guy, so we'll have to see.
I haven't slept with him yet, though. I'd be interested to see how that turns out. He claims that none of the stuff I mentioned would "freak him out" but we're both busy people and we live pretty far away from each other so it just hasn't happened. He is 9 years my senior.
Bob #4---is new. He's a regular at my place of employment and he's just REALLY NICE. His kids are beautiful, he's doing what's right by them (which is a huge turn on for me, dads doing right by their kids, even if it makes their {the dads} life more difficult), he works hard, he's smart, and he's just, well, normal....so far. He is divorced and probably at least 10 years my senior. We haven't determined his age yet.
So there you have it. There really isn't anything interesting to report on Bobs #2 and #3. I don't even speak to Bob2 anymore, and I completely blew off Bob3 to seduce "hot new guy" (which you can read all about in my post V-I-C-T-O-R-Y!) so we'll have to see where we stand when I talk to him next. My guess is that he'll get the hell over it.
More creepies
So there is this dude that comes into work often, especially on weekends. I didn't think he was weird at first (do I ever??) but then he started dropping hints that he might not be "on the level".
He would sit and try to talk to me at the drive through window--for, like, EVER. Isn't the point of the DT to be, um, quick??
Ok, that's alright though, cause he comes in late, when we're really not that busy.
So then he starts coming into the store really close to closing time--and I am REALLY busy. Like, I don't stop moving for like the last 2 hours of work. I have time to make plesant, polite conversation, but I DO NOT have time to "chat". I have even turned away my closest friends becuase I've got stuff I gotta do!!!
I had to kick him out last night because I needed to do money stuff and we got everything done early last night (props to mid-shift) so as soon as I did the money stuff we could go; doing the money stuff was of utmost importance. He had already been talking my co-worker's ear off for about a half hour BEFORE I told him I had to lock up, so I didn't feel THAT bad.
I see him sitting at a table outside while we close up. When I'm locking the door, he's gone, but I see a car, headlights glaring into my eyes, in the parking lot across the street.
Weird.
Then it drives away. It's HIM. My co-worker even notices it.
This guy waited for us to lock up in a parking lot across the street.
I worked with a man last night. I was in NO danger. There are police officers in and out of my store constantly. And this dude is old and would probably be of no help at all when/if I DO get attacked outside of my job and there happen to be no police there.
For real.
Does anyone else find that a little, um, CREEPY???
He would sit and try to talk to me at the drive through window--for, like, EVER. Isn't the point of the DT to be, um, quick??
Ok, that's alright though, cause he comes in late, when we're really not that busy.
So then he starts coming into the store really close to closing time--and I am REALLY busy. Like, I don't stop moving for like the last 2 hours of work. I have time to make plesant, polite conversation, but I DO NOT have time to "chat". I have even turned away my closest friends becuase I've got stuff I gotta do!!!
I had to kick him out last night because I needed to do money stuff and we got everything done early last night (props to mid-shift) so as soon as I did the money stuff we could go; doing the money stuff was of utmost importance. He had already been talking my co-worker's ear off for about a half hour BEFORE I told him I had to lock up, so I didn't feel THAT bad.
I see him sitting at a table outside while we close up. When I'm locking the door, he's gone, but I see a car, headlights glaring into my eyes, in the parking lot across the street.
Weird.
Then it drives away. It's HIM. My co-worker even notices it.
This guy waited for us to lock up in a parking lot across the street.
I worked with a man last night. I was in NO danger. There are police officers in and out of my store constantly. And this dude is old and would probably be of no help at all when/if I DO get attacked outside of my job and there happen to be no police there.
For real.
Does anyone else find that a little, um, CREEPY???
my car vs. a guardrail
For anyone who THOUGHT they knew me and wasn't sure, this story will give it away. If you're TRULY my friend IRL, you've heard this.
Anyway, one night my friend Sam* and I decided to have a few drinks. Turns out she's a lightweight, so she had ONE drink and I had 2.5-ish bottles of wine (bad idea #1).
The playing field is a bit uneven, eh?
So I decided to drive myself home (bad idea #2). I was going to call my best friend Bob1 (more on his story later--he's an adventure, indeed) and just as I was saying "hello" to him, I hit a guardrail. Let me give details.
Sam's neighborhood has these HUGE metal guardrails on the sides of the road because it's on a tiny-ass hill with a creek/puddle at the bottom, so I guess the city decided that they would prevent people from falling in the oversized puddle with some SUPERSIZED metal bumpers. Only they don't "bump", per se.
It's more like a CRRRRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNCH sound.
Followed by a SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH sound.
All of which Bob1 heard over the phone.
See, I wasn't sure he had heard it, so I quickly hung up, thinking I could escape ridicule and mocking for AT LEAST 24 hours.
Nah, he heard it. He called me back like 2 minutes later and goes, "Did you just crash your car?!"
So I gave him the rundown of the situation:
I had hit the guardrail with my passenger side door. The car was still driveable, so I just needed to secure the moulding strip back to the side of the door and all would be fine and well. I instructed him to bring the super-glue over to my house on his way home from work.
Mind you, I've had 2.5-ish bottles of wine and the super-glue in question is the smallest tube it is humanly possible to buy.
He brings said super-glue to my house. He then proceeds to watch me park my car, stare at the damage, try relentlessly to glue the mouling back to the incredibly dented door (but I don't realize it's dented that badly because it's 11:30pm and I am intoxicated), and LAUGH. He might have pissed himself--I can't be sure. I was busy "fixing" my door. Outside. In the dark. With a tube of super-glue no bigger than my pinky finger.
What a great friend. He KNEW that door wasn't getting fixed with any damn super-glue. I suppose I am just incredibly entertaining when I've been drinking.
So the next day when I'm at work he stops by. He is laughing as he walks in the door. I ask him if he could pop the "dent" out. He laughs more. We go outside and look. He continues laughing. His exact words to me:
"Your dad is going to have a heart attack when he sees this."
Yeah, thanks, I know.
(My dad is a mechanic. He is obsessed with cars. When I don't wash mine regularly, he complains.)
Seriously, can YOU picture a drunk girl at almost midnight with a TINY ASS tube of super-glue, trying to glue a car door back together without laughing??
I think not, my friend.
Anyway, one night my friend Sam* and I decided to have a few drinks. Turns out she's a lightweight, so she had ONE drink and I had 2.5-ish bottles of wine (bad idea #1).
The playing field is a bit uneven, eh?
So I decided to drive myself home (bad idea #2). I was going to call my best friend Bob1 (more on his story later--he's an adventure, indeed) and just as I was saying "hello" to him, I hit a guardrail. Let me give details.
Sam's neighborhood has these HUGE metal guardrails on the sides of the road because it's on a tiny-ass hill with a creek/puddle at the bottom, so I guess the city decided that they would prevent people from falling in the oversized puddle with some SUPERSIZED metal bumpers. Only they don't "bump", per se.
It's more like a CRRRRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNCH sound.
Followed by a SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH sound.
All of which Bob1 heard over the phone.
See, I wasn't sure he had heard it, so I quickly hung up, thinking I could escape ridicule and mocking for AT LEAST 24 hours.
Nah, he heard it. He called me back like 2 minutes later and goes, "Did you just crash your car?!"
So I gave him the rundown of the situation:
I had hit the guardrail with my passenger side door. The car was still driveable, so I just needed to secure the moulding strip back to the side of the door and all would be fine and well. I instructed him to bring the super-glue over to my house on his way home from work.
Mind you, I've had 2.5-ish bottles of wine and the super-glue in question is the smallest tube it is humanly possible to buy.
He brings said super-glue to my house. He then proceeds to watch me park my car, stare at the damage, try relentlessly to glue the mouling back to the incredibly dented door (but I don't realize it's dented that badly because it's 11:30pm and I am intoxicated), and LAUGH. He might have pissed himself--I can't be sure. I was busy "fixing" my door. Outside. In the dark. With a tube of super-glue no bigger than my pinky finger.
What a great friend. He KNEW that door wasn't getting fixed with any damn super-glue. I suppose I am just incredibly entertaining when I've been drinking.
So the next day when I'm at work he stops by. He is laughing as he walks in the door. I ask him if he could pop the "dent" out. He laughs more. We go outside and look. He continues laughing. His exact words to me:
"Your dad is going to have a heart attack when he sees this."
Yeah, thanks, I know.
(My dad is a mechanic. He is obsessed with cars. When I don't wash mine regularly, he complains.)
Seriously, can YOU picture a drunk girl at almost midnight with a TINY ASS tube of super-glue, trying to glue a car door back together without laughing??
I think not, my friend.
Aaaaahhhh look at all the creepy people...
(BTW, if anyone actually GETS that title {hint-it's a song reference} they get a BIG GOLD STAR!)
I come in contact with ALOT of really weird people in my line of work. There's this one, and he comes in every single morning and then later in the afternoon. I would guess him to be around my mom's age (early 50s). Every single time he comes in, he says to me "Let me see that gorgeous smile" or something like that.
At first, I wasn't weirded out. I spent 6 years in braces--I have a beautiful smile.
Then he asked for my phone number.
I told him I wasn't single, he made some kind of stammering, embarrassed remark about how lucky any guy was to be with me, blah, blah, blah.
Enter the creeps. Seriously. Ick.
So he keeps this up. Every single time he sees me. He says something about my smile (which you all know makes you smile anyway, and then you're standing there smiling and beet-red, just praying for death or pestilence or SOMETHING) and then he continues to inquire about how I've been and whatnot; all the while I am resisting the urge to poke myself in the eardrums with a fork, lest I hear any more ramblings from a man who wishes he had even a snowballs chance in hell.
It DOES get old after awhile. Especially since HE doesn't have a life, so he doesn't have much to talk about expect how nice my smile is.
Really, though. It's great to get compliments and all that jazz, but when I've made it clear that I'm NOT single (even though I AM), I really don't want any more compliments.
I've noticed your attempt to hit on me, it has failed, abort mission.
Please.
I come in contact with ALOT of really weird people in my line of work. There's this one, and he comes in every single morning and then later in the afternoon. I would guess him to be around my mom's age (early 50s). Every single time he comes in, he says to me "Let me see that gorgeous smile" or something like that.
At first, I wasn't weirded out. I spent 6 years in braces--I have a beautiful smile.
Then he asked for my phone number.
I told him I wasn't single, he made some kind of stammering, embarrassed remark about how lucky any guy was to be with me, blah, blah, blah.
Enter the creeps. Seriously. Ick.
So he keeps this up. Every single time he sees me. He says something about my smile (which you all know makes you smile anyway, and then you're standing there smiling and beet-red, just praying for death or pestilence or SOMETHING) and then he continues to inquire about how I've been and whatnot; all the while I am resisting the urge to poke myself in the eardrums with a fork, lest I hear any more ramblings from a man who wishes he had even a snowballs chance in hell.
It DOES get old after awhile. Especially since HE doesn't have a life, so he doesn't have much to talk about expect how nice my smile is.
Really, though. It's great to get compliments and all that jazz, but when I've made it clear that I'm NOT single (even though I AM), I really don't want any more compliments.
I've noticed your attempt to hit on me, it has failed, abort mission.
Please.
Good Day Sunshine!!!
Well hello there! Glad you stopped by!
This blog is appropriately titled, so I feel no need to continue this post other than to say HI!
And to tell you that I am not vain, spolied, or rude.
Well, yeah, sometimes I am. But I am also smart, decent looking, kind, wise, caring, and SNARKY AS HELL.
I write from my experiences in life with people. This blog really isn't that serious, in fact. My friends and I actually wanted to do a comic book, but then we realized that none of us could draw. Ha.
This blog is appropriately titled, so I feel no need to continue this post other than to say HI!
And to tell you that I am not vain, spolied, or rude.
Well, yeah, sometimes I am. But I am also smart, decent looking, kind, wise, caring, and SNARKY AS HELL.
I write from my experiences in life with people. This blog really isn't that serious, in fact. My friends and I actually wanted to do a comic book, but then we realized that none of us could draw. Ha.
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