Seriously, don't lies take more effort?

May I preface this post with a disclaimer?

Too bad, I'm going to.

I don't want to have a serious relationship any time soon. EVER, I would be so bold to say.

I am not any other grown up's moral compass. It's been suggested that I barely have one of my own when it comes to men.

It is not my job to tell you that what you are about to do with me is JUST WRONG. The guys that I sleep with know that I am choosing to just sleep with them. Nothing more.

I am not asking them to marry me, date me, or even call me.

Hell, half of the time I don't remember their names by the time we get back to my house!

That being said....

Now I'm a pretty smart cookie, if I do say so myself. I'm pretty good at picking up on who's got a "girlfriend" or a "friend" or a wife, or whatever.

**I put "girlfriend" and "friend" in quotes because the definitions of those words are subjective. What some guys would call a "friend" could easily be classified as a "girlfriend" by many others.**

Anyway, I can usually tell about 5 minutes into conversation if someone's emotionally unavailable. Please keep in mind that I am particularly in the market for emotionally unavailable. It works for me.

So WHY THE LIVING FUCK do guys really think they need to keep trying (that's right boys, I said trying. You are not doing such a hot job here) to cover up their "status"??

I DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP STATUS.

Here are some of the things I've heard/expereinced:

Kent insists on telling me he "hangs out with different people" but doesn't have a girlfriend. Yet the only time he calls me is once every couple of months--we fuck, talk about superficial crap, I leave (which is perfect for me, if anyone's taking notes). He barely even acknowledges me when we're in a sober, public, no "girlfriend" situation. Perfect. He knows this is all I want, so why the secrecy about who he's dating? I think it's actually polite of me to ask about how his girlfriend is doing.

Daniel likes to call his "girlfriend" (who goes on vacations to Vegas with him and whom he's admitted he's dated long enough to warrant a marrige proposal) a "friend" that he talks to on the weekends when she's in town from her job.
He actually got in trouble because of an innocent text I sent him on a weekend, which is apparently "off-limits" time, which I would have known about if he had been upfront with me. As of late though, he's been more honest about it.

I have had 2, count 'em, 2 men act like there's not a care in the world--except for the fact that they were scheduled to get married within, oh, 3 weeks of our first "encounter"!!!!

One even went so far as to tell me that he didn't HAVE a girlfriend (but I knew he did) and I found out from our mutual friend last week that he was getting married on Saturday!! He had JUST been at my house 2 days prior to that trying to get laid!!!!!

--That one kills me most. Seriously, if I am sleeping with you with full knowledge of your girlfriend, do you REALLY think that the fact that you're getting married is going to change anything??

Honey, please. I PITY your soon-to-be-wife. You obviously don't respect her. You'll continue sleeping with me after you marry her. Really.

Also, alot of guys feel the need to give me the old, "I'm not happy and I haven't been for a long time" line.

Well, DUH. Cheating on your wife usually doesn't indicate happiness, ya think? Not my job to fix that one, dear.

Of course, I suppose that's to be expected. These guys lie to their "girlfriends" and wives, so why wouldn't they lie to me?

It IS incredibly amusing, though.